my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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