so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize