I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
