oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
