I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
