I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
