I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
