I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
