I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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