She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
