You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
