we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
