remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
