Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She told me I should be a condom model.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
