you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
