yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He did a backflip because drugs
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
