I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When did angry sex become our thing?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
