Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
