the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
