your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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