Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
