WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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