bring money and cleavage
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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