I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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