I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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