we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
