I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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