I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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