I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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