i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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