Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
