Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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