I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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