He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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