Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
