I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
There are leaves in my underwear?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
