is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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