I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
