im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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