Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
