My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
