you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
