Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
