Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize