wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
