Do you still have your period?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
