If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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