you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
