The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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