Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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