He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
