Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize