I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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