You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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