Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My dick has a subreddit
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
