no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
