Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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