you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
