If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
