help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
