So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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