Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
