can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
