: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
