You can't motorboat a personality
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
