we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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