at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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