census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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