If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
