i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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