I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
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