There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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