just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
