My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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