mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
