He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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