My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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